'Smarvelous

It is the day before Father's Day and it is a week after my daughter Jackie's wedding.  Incidentally, my father passed away almost four years ago.  I should be sad, but I think you can see that my Dad wasn't exactly a positive role model in my life.  If anything, I feel sorry for my Dad.  He never knew how to love, especially himself.  I just remember trying to please him and never being able to.  I finally, after years of therapy, found a way to forgive him and let it go.

So as Father's Day approaches, I can thank him for giving me the perfectionism that keeps me trying to improve myself.  I can thank him for all the things I had as a kid, for paying for my violin lessons and sending me to Roosevelt University and for trying the best way he could to give me what he could.

I wish he could have seen Jackie and Aaron profess their love to each other and celebrate that day with us. Though the weather was cool and damp, it did nothing to dampen our spirits or the love of those two dear people.  They had the wedding that they wanted and planned for and I am proud of them for putting it together, from start to finish.  It was perfect.

It is wonderful that they are both such talented musicians and both such genuine, real people.  I hope they will have a long and fulfilling life together.  They are in France for their honeymoon and will return on August 2nd.  They have already surmounted some hurdles and made some quick and dirty decisions for their trip.  I am confident that they will continue in their married life in this way.

All these things remind me how much fluctuation there is in life.  Nothing is static and we are always changing to rise to whatever the occasion requires.  Losing my father made me face the loss of having the father I had in my life, made me examine the quality of the forgiveness I had in my heart.  It is something I need to surmount everyday.

My daughter's marriage to Aaron, puts me in the new role of Mother-in-law.  I have related to him as her fiance and my other children have brought people they are dating home and I have had relationships with them, but this feels more permanent, closer.  It feels natural, but I believe these kinds of relationships are a balancing act.  I want to be close, but I never want to overstep my bounds.

I feel as if I am entering a new phase with my music, too.  I am now living in the Northwoods of Wisconsin.  This means I am starting out in new musical groups.  I have joined a philanthropic group here that raises money and awards scholarships to area youth who perform musically to win the prizes every spring.  I also sang with an area chorus last year and will continue this year again.  I got into a song circle that meets once a month too.  All these are great.

I am making my way in this community and am getting known for my talents.  I hope that I will find myself growing, personally and in my music.   I am also recovering from rotator cuff surgery three months ago.  I have been able to play my violin and guitar, already.  I am very happy with my progress so far and look forward to more.

So, Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there, to my wonderful husband, and here's to you Dad.  You did the best you could and I love you and wish you peace.