Destinations

I was thinking about this as I was driving in town today behind a driver who was going below the posted speed limit, one of my personal pet peeves.

THE FINAL DESTINATION OF ALL HUMANS IS THE GRAVE.  
DO I REALLY WANT TO BE IN SUCH A HURRY TO GET THERE?

I guess that would make a great bumper sticker.  It made me think about how much in a hurry we are, especially in this country.  Time is money, but haste makes waste.  We have forgotten.  With all the great new technology, think of it, washing machines, vaccuum cleaners, cars, airplanes, computers and on and on, we are able to complete tasks and get places so quickly.  We also, have so much more free time than our predecessors. 

In my experience, faster is not usually better.  In the example of food, I know for a fact that the longer you stew something or roast it, at a lower temperature and let it take it's time, the more flavorful and tender it is.  There are a lot of examples to up hold this, but even more, the longer you wait to enjoy that slow cooking meal, the more heightened your senses and desire for it.  Isn't it true, that when you have to work hard to get something, or make it, don't you feel good about yourself?  Doesn't it make you happy and thankful that you finally got it?  Don't you feel the value of it for yourself more?

Let's take the idea of a meal.  I know when I spend a lot of time and effort putting a meal together, it means a lot to me.  I cook everything from scratch.  There are no boxes of mixes or cans of ready made in my cupboard.  First of all, I know exactly what I am eating and secondly, I have the satisfaction of putting it all together in the final wholesome product.  It is really very satisfying, on an emotional/mental level and on a physical level too.  I know I have chopped up every vegetable, kneaded every bread, stirred and mixed and rolled out every bit of it with my own two hands.

It's that way at work too.  It seems that big corporations have taken over everything, even the funeral home business!  The only thing they seem interested in is their bottom line.  If the return for the bigwigs in the company begins to shrink, who pays?  We all do.  Do they care if the product diminishes? No.  Do they care if the workers have to do more?  No.  So people just don't take pride in their work anymore.  Can't really blame them, when there isn't much reason for company loyalty.  The company doesn't have loyalty for you.  They'll cut your job, your pay, your co-workers jobs, until their bottom line is satisfied, with never a thought for how it effects you.

So what can we do about all this?  Well, unfortunately, we can't change the world, but we can change ourselves.  If each person stopped and took stock of themselves.  What is really important to you?  That new car?  Bigger house?  Expensive clothes?  Really??!  How about your family?  Your friends?  Your health? That's more like it!!  So maybe you can stop stressing about work and all the pressure.   Maybe if you put in that vegetable garden and eat less processed foods, drove that car another couple of years, take a camping vacation and biked to work, then you could get by on much less.  Then you might find yourself living healthier.  Having more time for your family and friends.  Happier?!  Really?!

I have found that attitude is everything.  Everything starts with attitude.  If we feel restless and perceive that we need more stuff.  Guess what, we'll be unhappy.  The key is not having what you want, but wanting what you've got.  It's not losing ambition, but turning that ambition on it's ear and focusing on what the really important things are.  We let ourselves get bent out of shape over all the little mundane things that don't amount to a hill of beans and forget about what the really important stuff is.  The people.  Starting with ourselves and moving outwardly from there.

One of the things I've noticed is people using the word "selfish" when what they really mean is "self-centered".   I think selfish gets a bad rap.  If you are being selfish you are putting yourself first, you are taking care of yourself.  That is not necessarily a bad or wrong thing to do.  If you do not take care of yourself, who will?  If you do not take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of anybody else?  So take care of yourself today, before you do something nice for someone else, do something nice for yourself.  You'll be amazed at how much it will elevate your sense of well-being.  You'll be a better person for it, too.

One of those nice things you can do, is spend some time with yourself.   Stop to smell the roses, as it were, literally or figuratively, your call.

Enjoy!

'Smarvelous

It is the day before Father's Day and it is a week after my daughter Jackie's wedding.  Incidentally, my father passed away almost four years ago.  I should be sad, but I think you can see that my Dad wasn't exactly a positive role model in my life.  If anything, I feel sorry for my Dad.  He never knew how to love, especially himself.  I just remember trying to please him and never being able to.  I finally, after years of therapy, found a way to forgive him and let it go.

So as Father's Day approaches, I can thank him for giving me the perfectionism that keeps me trying to improve myself.  I can thank him for all the things I had as a kid, for paying for my violin lessons and sending me to Roosevelt University and for trying the best way he could to give me what he could.

I wish he could have seen Jackie and Aaron profess their love to each other and celebrate that day with us. Though the weather was cool and damp, it did nothing to dampen our spirits or the love of those two dear people.  They had the wedding that they wanted and planned for and I am proud of them for putting it together, from start to finish.  It was perfect.

It is wonderful that they are both such talented musicians and both such genuine, real people.  I hope they will have a long and fulfilling life together.  They are in France for their honeymoon and will return on August 2nd.  They have already surmounted some hurdles and made some quick and dirty decisions for their trip.  I am confident that they will continue in their married life in this way.

All these things remind me how much fluctuation there is in life.  Nothing is static and we are always changing to rise to whatever the occasion requires.  Losing my father made me face the loss of having the father I had in my life, made me examine the quality of the forgiveness I had in my heart.  It is something I need to surmount everyday.

My daughter's marriage to Aaron, puts me in the new role of Mother-in-law.  I have related to him as her fiance and my other children have brought people they are dating home and I have had relationships with them, but this feels more permanent, closer.  It feels natural, but I believe these kinds of relationships are a balancing act.  I want to be close, but I never want to overstep my bounds.

I feel as if I am entering a new phase with my music, too.  I am now living in the Northwoods of Wisconsin.  This means I am starting out in new musical groups.  I have joined a philanthropic group here that raises money and awards scholarships to area youth who perform musically to win the prizes every spring.  I also sang with an area chorus last year and will continue this year again.  I got into a song circle that meets once a month too.  All these are great.

I am making my way in this community and am getting known for my talents.  I hope that I will find myself growing, personally and in my music.   I am also recovering from rotator cuff surgery three months ago.  I have been able to play my violin and guitar, already.  I am very happy with my progress so far and look forward to more.

So, Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there, to my wonderful husband, and here's to you Dad.  You did the best you could and I love you and wish you peace.